Why We Need A Lot Of Shoes?

Past.. it’s not just a past.. whether we deal with it, learn from it and get over it. Unless you want to waste your time mourning, regretting, and on and on..
But the trauma behind every single mistakes that we face on the past it’ll still there. Because no matter what we do we can’t escape from it. Maybe, I’ll say I didn’t care.. It’s just a shield to cover up the scars.

We afraid of height because we’ve fell
We afraid of the dark because we’ve heard those creepy stories
We afraid of having best friends because we’ve been betrayed or we’ve heard stories about betrayal
We afraid of love because we’ve been hurt, we’ve heard the stories of the whole cheating things.. the whole divorces things..

Then how can we recover?
Because someday.. The time for us to fall in love will come.. Unconsciously we’ll fall for someone.. No matter how big and strong our shield it’ll break down when we fell in love.
So is this mean that we’re gambling?

Well, in my opinion.. I don’t think so..
Because I think, we can control it by learn from the past
We make preparation so that we won’t make the same mistake twice
Or do we won’t make mistake just like they did
I know it seems that it’s so easy to say
But to denying our feelings just because we‘re afraid of what may come in the future is such a coward action. Because life is just different to each of us.
We have a different shoes, and with that shoes you’re the one who decide where you want to go. I’m not saying that we can be 100% safe, but it’s better to have preparation so that it won’t damage that much.
Just like preparing a boot for winter, a flip-flop for summer, a high-heels for party, etc..

So.. you.. we.. I better have a good sense of “style” in choosing our shoes..

Losing My ReliGion?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA...

I just want to scream.
I am lost, like really really lost rite now!!
I don't know what am I doing rite now!!
Aren't I supposed to get my ass work on my Proposal, instead of writing new post on my blog?! Gosh.. this is annoying, I can't concentrate at all
I'm losing control over my mind, my body, my heart, my feeling.. I AM LOST!!

I know it's not the time to complaining, or mumbling..
PEOPLE, IT'S TIME TO WORK!! why can't I just focus on my responsibility?? I think I am losing my religion.
I am losing my dream, I'm losing my hope..
Some said, "Don't get your hope up"
The other said, "Get your hope up!"
So, Which one?

The lectures said that we'll just gambling our fate..depending on their moods of that day. Damn, just typing this up really really make me feel like killing someone right now!! I think, Just because they have power to control our graduation doesn't mean that they can control our life right?!
I don't want to kiss their ass!! I'm not some scum bag who'll do anything beyond her principal just for what.. a piece of paper? a photograph of me wearing Toga? HELL NO!! I am a woman with my own principal..

I'm the one who'll determine my future, my fate!!
Screw you all.. You can stay here screwing students after students
But I'm moving!! I'm moving on.. Hell yeah..

YEAH!!
I'll prove you that I am beyond what you think am capable of!!
FIGHTING!!! OShhh....

FeLicia...

What Felicia Means..

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

Reasons, Purpose, and Dream

Everyone was running desperately
Aiming for something
They were stretching their hands toward something
Which was invisible to the eye
Even if there is no goal there
Even if they had realized that their hand couldn’t reach it
They were still moving forwards it with all they had
But, I wonder
What I was doing
I was just staring
And I did not even try to stretch my hand out
I was scared of the result, and couldn’t take a single step forward
I was jealously watching the paths that everyone found with effort
By saying that I was different from everyone else, I was making an excuse for myself

I was just afraid of being hurt

If there is no map
You won’t know where to go
I thought you choose where to go after you seen the map
But, that was wrong
I am not lost because I don’t have a map
I.. don’t have a purpose

I wanted to move even faster
I wanted to go even further
Concentrating on that, I continued to pedal

-taken from Honey and Clover dorama-

We need reasons to do something, but what happened if we don't even have a single reasons?
I know it's easy to say, but it's hard to do..

why am I sitting here right now? What's my purpose?
I've always told anyone that my purpose to keep on moving these days was because I have this dream..a dream to open up my own cafe. But..
people say that I need to be mature and start thinking about work, love life, etc

My question is..Is that wrong to having a dream? Having a dream is childish? A dream is just meant to be just a dream? Am I dreaming to high??

So if it's not for reaching our dreams, then why are we living?

The Reality VS The Fantasy

If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
while my heart stands still?

If I didn't care would it be the same?
Would my every prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?

- Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day -

We’re all a denier. We’re all pretender. We’re all liar.
Why do we have to do these?
The answer is simple: we’re all afraid
We deny our feeling because we’re afraid to be lost in love.
We pretend to be somebody else because we’re afraid to be left alone
We lie about the truth because we’re afraid that the truth will tear us down.
Again.. It’s still confusing me. Do we have to choose between the reality and fantasy?

In reality people say you have to consider not only about Love, because there’s no such a thing called happily ever after. You need to see the financial..

In Fantasy, we’re all believe in Love at first sight, Happily ever after, ‘till death do us part, for better for worse and Love conquer all..

Does the fantasy are meant to be just a fantasy?!
So there’s no such thing called FOREVER?!
SO we have to just ignoring our feeling and stick with the economical problem?
So, we’re all just a whore.. The thing we care about is just money..
So, money is the most important thing in the world?

But why do I feel terrible with those things?

So it is just the same as having a dream is only meant to just a dream. So that I’ll just have to go with life according to their plan?!

Does having a dream called childish?
Does believing in LOVE and life Happily Ever After is childish?
Am I childish??? Am I just a foolish, naïve, corny girl?!

'Till Death Do Us Part

Death.. it comes.. it’ll come to all of us. The only questions we can’t explain about death is “when”. I can’t answer it, your mom can’t answer it, the doctor can’t answer it, even the priest can’t answer it. The only one that can control death is GOD. He can take us anytime he wanted to.

Ourlife is just for a rent. We pay them by living our life and make it into a precious life, and if GOD suddenly want to take the life that he rented for us it’s up to HIM. We can’t run from it. And the thing is..we can’t even predict it.

So when?? 50 years.. 40..30..20..10..8..5..1 or maybe months..weeks.. days..tommorow?! now???!

We don’t know, we ‘ll never know!!

So we better pay our rent quickly by living our life in the best way we could.. We don’t want GOD turning into some cruel Debt Collector right!?

So.. Strating from now..
Let’s do anything we want to do, saying anything we want to say, just anything..
Because when the time stop..
When our turn comes..
We won’t leave this world empty handedly
We bring memories..moments..
Laughter.. Joy..Tears..
But we’re not just leave like that, we stay..
Yes, some part of us will stay.. in our beloved friends and families hearts..

So, 'till death do us part, let's make memories to remember..